Resort and Spa

During our last snow storm, a ewe waited until she stepped out of the corral to have her lamb near the chicken coop. The massive snowflakes discouraged her from leaving the rest of the flock to enjoy some privacy and protection, but she was an experienced ewe. She could tend to her newborn.

Or so she thought.

Suddenly, the panicked ewe realized her baby was missing.

Our two hour search yielded zip in the nearby, easily accessible areas. Finally, the ewe’s own personal detective broadened the search, issued an all-points bulletin and was rewarded with the delinquent ram lamb following his foster parent about a half a mile away, where I had spread that day’s hay.

The little bugger’s foray sapped my daylight – precious right now with so much needy new life showing up morning and night.

Still, my 12-year-old daughter, Abby, and I decided to open our own Resort and Spa de la A Land of Grass. I am the Chief Executive Officer because I like to tell people what to do. Abby is the Chief Operations Officer because she actually gets things done.

This is no ordinary resort and spa.

We’re talking Waldorf Astoria-type resort and spa.

We offer luxurious accommodations.

Deluxe suites are perfect for discerning singles.

Premiere suites suit those who prefer a larger, airy and inviting space.

The Top of the Tower suites accommodate the most exacting patrons. We expect to serve many finicky clients.

In addition to distinctive separate spaces, we offer a conference room for evening gatherings. That conference room has private alcoves for those who prefer individualized respite.

Our award-winning daily breakfasts and suppers will astound our most discerning, fearful diners. I’m not much of a cook so I have delegated this responsibility to my capable COO. The staff, patrons and entire community appreciate the wisdom of my appointment.

Abby’s menu offers several daily specials, but the mainstays are a variety of healthy, green salads and delicious dairy products. Our liquid refreshments are drawn from the clearest aquafers for miles around. In fact, our watery sustenance distinguishes itself from all others in flavor, quality and origin.

Abby and I know we must differentiate our resort and spa so we offer a maternity ward and ob-gyn services, too. We know new mothers deserve to be pampered and newborns need virtually constant care. Our goal is to offer such fine service at the start that our clients thrive for the rest of their lives.

As part of our pampering program, we offer manicures and pedicures for our fastidious patrons.

Nippers are kept sharp and files are kept long at the Resort and Spa de la A Land of Grass. Every once in a while, I might draw blood, but I offer credit for the next mani-pedi session to those customers. I never ever mention hush money.

Salon services are available, too. I am trained to provide stylish coiffures, but typically I outsource to professionals. Customers enjoy the air-conditioned, climate controlled atmosphere and are often heard commenting as they walk out the door that a heavy weight has been lifted from their shoulders.

We thought about going low-brow, building our resort with old pallets, using rubber buckets as serving dishes and pampering our guests with shearing combs, but Abby and I are committed to providing only the finest resort and spa experience for our exclusive clientele.

The satisfaction we get from their gratitude is worth our efforts. The blissful ewe and errant lamb strolled out of their suite in high style.

Lisa Schmidt